D&D West Marches 015 - Haunted House

Aw fuck it's that time again. Bridges Rhinestone Jr. and co went on an adventure to kill a massive jerkface vampire and in the process discovered that the internet was inside of them all along.





Bridges Rhinestone Jr. Lore Bard.
Gisela Fade. Eldritch Clamshell.
Vymphala Hotai. Devotion Paladin.
J-Swaggums. Big stick mommy.
Vanamo. Trapfinder Cleric.
Adina. Raven Queen Patron Warlock.



The adventure started off pretty bad because Bridges and co. were getting hit with mysterious timewave alteration signals(I.E: Discord went down, roll20 was having issues, and Bridges' computer was lagging to holy fucking hell) and as a result Bridges missed pretty much the entire first portion of the adventure.

But what Bridges did know was: They were sent to defeat the final member of the Order of Osteoporosis: Vampire Division. Bridges was there for the destruction of most of the members(Barring one) of the vampire division and was gifted a badass ring by that cool god Raven Queen lady person, which enabled him to do a lot more with his bardic abilities. He was also told that his ring would increase in power if he was there to assist with the destruction of Orion, the final remaining vampire. And he's all about that sick fucking loot so sign him right the fuck up. And so he did.

When we rejoined our intrepid heroes, Bridges was unconscious on the ground in some alcove and there were enemy creatures everywhere or something but being unconscious makes things fuzzy. Someone woke him up and informed him that there's fucking crazy shit happening all over the place, but he wanted to conserve his energy so he just used his Vicious Mockery, and somehow managed to actually get a kill with it, which was the first one, so that was nice.

He wasn't quite sure of the scenario that got him here or what was actually going on beyond just his surroundings, but due to the mysterious timewave alteration signals(I.E: lag) that was to be expected. Eventually those circumstances were over and the party were up and ready to get things moving and Bridges was ready to get filled in on some things.

Unfortunately the distortions were not resolved quite yet and all Bridges could really hear were bits and pieces of some sort of magical portal puzzle which apparently used some sort of color combination system to lead intruders into potentially trapped places while directing those who can successfully figure it out in the direction of the lair.

Eventually the only way to actually get in on this adventure was to attempt to control the timewave alteration signals(I.E: Close literally everything but the discord client in hopes that his computer doesn't fucking explode), which resulted in a success and he was able to maintain himself with assured stability.

With Bridges successfully cognizant, he was able to bone down with the rest of the party as they make their way into the final area and confront Orion. Which they did, because she wasn't too far away. But Bridges had a plan for this person. She was apparently powerful, so he was going to use his power to cast greater invisibility on himself and then spend the encounter moving close enough to counterspell the vampire and lock her down. Being a Lore Bard he had higher chances of doing so successfully and he was fucking ready.

They get ready to walk in, Bridges casts See Invisibility from his super powered Goggles of Night, and they arrived. Orion stood high and mighty in her weirdly open and empty big ass room, but she came prepared and had a whole host of mooks to back her up. Bridges seized the opportunity and made himself invisible, thankfully going unnoticed doing so, and then moved inwards to attempt the razzling dazzling.

There was a man there, a follower of Orion who appeared to not be a vampire, but wielded a powerful glaive. Among him in the mooksquad were a couple of not-so-powerful mages which would only provide to be a minor annoyance.

Combat began, everyone roll initiative. J-Swaggums does the unthinkable and sneaks her way around to behind Orion, far far away from the rest of the party. Bridges continues his trek to counterspell city, Gisela and Vymphala move in to confront Glaivie McGlavieface. Adina did Adina things because Bridges wasn't paying attention to her. Sorry not sorry.

It was a flurry of blows coming in from all sides as Bridges continually counterspelled every dramatic and deadly spell Orion could throw, maintaining his stealth by suddenly being aware that the only components counterspell requires are somatic, which means he just shakes his hands and magic goes away, allowing him to blend into the unknown for a little longer. J-Swiggity wasn't as fortunate as her tiny gnome body was riddled with dirty vampire attacks a Orion tried desperately not to let her go.

The others in the party tried to wrestle down the now hasted Glaiveman, but his raw damage output was enough to keep them guessing and on the back foot, but that wasn't good enough to put them down, and so they kept kicking ass.

The battle continued as the mages were eventually being finished off, and the Glaiveman was near defeated, but timewave distortion signals eliminated Vymphala from the fight, so she took a nap right in the middle of it. Boy it would have been fucking awkward if the party all died except for the napping dragonborn. But it did not come to that.

Eventually Orion, now revealed to be a bard herself(And a shitty one too), started looking pretty rough, and began to change into a much larger form, and also grew giant wings and shit. She kept the pressure high on J-Swooty and continually lashed out at her until she was nearly fucking dead. Bridges' existence was now apparent to the giant bat, and so counterspell duty was over and it was time to bring the fucking pain, which he did by using his bread and butter Dissonant Whispers, managing to actually roll max damage on it, which was pretty sick, and sent her flying away, allowing his teammates to use their opportunity attacks and dig into her.

It was looking scary for J-Hashtagblessed for a while there, but eventually the killing blow was landed on Orion and she was sent to whatever hell vampires believe in, and the fight was over. Everyone went around and getting their proper healing done, looked for loot and got ready to bunk down for the night. They were pretty happy to have not died, and Bridges managed to learn quite a lot of about flying winged bitches. But their fun was short lived as suddenly a fucking woman appeared out of nowhere and instantly brought Gisela fade to near death, whispered sweet nothings into her ear, and then vanished. So what the fuck.

And they all lived happily ever after...?

Yes. They did.

My name is Ryan. I like to play video games and Dungeons and Dragons and all kinds of other cool stuff. I also like to write. This is my website, it's nothing special, but I write about topics from time to time that probably make no sense. But if you think they do make sense, then hang around and check out some other articles. My friends call them "blogs" but goddamnit I've got a URL and everything, so they're "articles".

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