No witty taglines for this write up because like any good cliche, Bridges forgot to leave a note!
Bridges Rhinestone Jr. Lore Bard.
Firion Mithrin (RIP). Illusionist Wizard/Lore Bard/Force Ghost.
Amber Moon. Way of the Drunken Master Monk.
Gautier. Alcoholic.
Qolan Denine. Some kind of fucked up Warlock.
Bridges and the whole of Salad Force found themselves doing one thing or another that is of no consequence entirely when a crazy Seleir busted through the door of whatever vague establishment they found themselves in, ranting and raving about some crazy cult. IT SEEMS this cult worships big things.
So obviously the gang had to go out and fucking kill them all. BUT THAT WASN'T IT. It seems there was a great need for two groups of individuals. One group to find and defeat this great beast, and one group to prevent it from being summoned elsewhere. So Salad Force all signed up to go and give this large beast what-for, while the other group would go and prevent a ritual from summoning it somewhere else.
It's been a while and Bridges can't quite remember how exactly they arrived to where they did, but apparently they rode up on a keep of some kind being patrolled by all kinds of creatures. Trolls, orcs, goblins. Even giants. Party A, the most important party, watched from afar while discussing their plan of action. Eventually the party somehow stumbled across the idea of having Bridges polymorph himself into a T-Rex. This cult supposedly worships big creatures, but would a T-Rex be enough? So Firion decided to utilize his illusory magic to summon an illusion of an even bigger T-Rex over the actual T-Rex, and Qolan would provide the voice for the T-Rex to help during social(?) encounters.
This fucking baller ass plan was sealed in, Bridges became a 3x T-Rex and to the keep they went. At the door was some giant or other and at first wanted to attack, but Qolan made a good effort to influence their desire to worship big things, and after a minute or two conversation, was invited into the Order of Big, or something along those lines.
Inside, the 3x T-Rex party was invited to eat amongst the trolls, orcs, giants and goblins, but Bridges decided that a show of force would go a lot further than any pleasantries, so he forcibly devoured a goblin who was presumably 2 weeks from retirement and flourished him around in a magnificent display of power. The illusion of the dinosaur was actually bigger than the actual creature, so Firion had to maintain control over his illusion so that the effect would appear seamless against the actual dinosaur actually murdering a goblin. And because he's Firion(RIP) he managed to do so with ease.
Eventually they were sent on their way to a giant portal which was covered up by some sort of clamshell mountain encasement which could be opened or closed by a giant and an oni who pulled on the chains. The party proceeded inward, their fucked up masquerade a success, and ended up walking through the portal and into the elemental plane of Earth.
Easily the craziest thing Bridges has done so far, but the night was still young, and the party could spot trouble a far, far way away in the visage of a vaguely humanoid figure, except as tall as a mountain, and also it pretty much was a mountain. And inwards they went.
The party could only imagine the horrors that the B team were facing at this harrowing moment in their journey, and they could only hope for their safety right now.
Upon getting closer to this, uh, big thing, the party were scouting around and thinking of the ways best to approach this. Somehow Bridges knew that the ol' 3x Dinosaur trick wasn't going to cut it, so he had to get crafty. There were 3 or 4 orcs standing on platforms surrounding this actual fucking colossal figure's chest, and the question at the moment was: Deal with them or ignore them? First, this several hundred feet tall figure had to be clambered onto.
Qolan, making what would go on to be one of the best decisions of the night, decided to cast Fly on pretty much everyone. Except Firion(POUR ONE OUT FOR HIM) because of his flying broom. This would assist the party greatly as they would be able to maintain their hold on the creature in case something got shaky.
Bridges cast invisibility on everyone but himself, and then cast Dimension Door, taking Amber Moon along for the ride. Bridges managed to maintain stealth on himself due to his fucking awesome boots, but Amber Moon wasn't so lucky. And so the Colossus activated and fucking holy fucking fuck this thing was a fucking fucker.
Roll initiative. Bridges was pulling one for the homies by pretty consistently going first during some pretty important turns. He spent a majority of the fight by hiding between the creatures eyes, since it was so big he could do so easily. Qolan, concentrating on Fly for everyone, did the smart move by keeping out of range and pelting it with Eldritch Blast after Eldritch Blast. Firion and Gautier moved in, Firion by air, and Gautier by land as they attempted to put the pressure on and have at this fucking thing. Amber Moon did his monk thing and went after the trolls. Or were they orcs? Shit it's not important. Long story short he fucking killed them all.
Bridges remembered his super awesome ring and utilized it to great affect as he was able to cast Bigby's Hand from it, and he continually punched the fucking Colossus in his eyes. But the party was soon about to learn, this fucking Colossus wasn't finished with us yet.
He swung slow, but he swung hard. He needed an entire actual turn to set up a swing before bringing down his massive earthen sword, but honestly it was so large it was probably more accurate to call it a tectonic plate. And it fucking hurts. With an average damage output of about 127 points of damage across an area of effect, whenever it hit anyone it fucking nearly killed them.
The play by play becomes fuzzy for Bridges as he was honestly unable to see a lot of what was happening around him, due to being lodged between the eyes of this Colossus, but Gautier, Amber Moon and Firion were continually putting on the smackdown. With a creature this size, it almost felt like it was a waste of time to attack it. Because how could a mortal creature possibly harm a mountain with mere weapons? Spells could make an argument, but claws? The heat of the moment was drawing out for the party, some feeling like they weren't even doing anything because of that lack of certainty. But then, a glowing spot appeared on the Colossus in what would be the abdominal section of a humanoid, and this was our moment to strike.
Bridges was at the time unaware of this as he was too far away to see it and his companions weren't in a talkative mood when they would rather be trying to kill this fucker. But the glowing spot disappeared soon after. Unfortunately, by the time the next glowing spot arrived, the party were in the midst of recuperating and missed their chances entirely to utilize the temporary weaknesses.
The glowing spot was apparently tied to the other adventurers, as this was a dual quest between a large group but split into two. Bridges was told later that while his party was actually dying, the other party was determining on whether they should even enter the dungeon that would lead them to the ritual site or not. And due to their lackadaisical nature in destroying 3 magical crystals which would weaken the colossus for Salad Force(And Qolan), it took a fucking long ass time to see that second or third one. And in the process of waiting, Team A were almost killed numerous times.
Just being around the creature was difficult, as the shifting mass was able to bounce anyone off of it. Bridges only maintained his position due to his ability to fly. Amber Moon was not so lucky, and neither was Gautier as they both kept getting bucked off.
The force ghost of Firion was having a rough time as well as he was being battered and beaten from the heavy swings of this actual mountain with a sword. Except he was sort of an island of his own due to the flying broom, making it kind of difficult to lend a helping hand when needed. For example, in the entirety of the battle, Bridges didn't expend a single usage of his bardic inspiration because the sheer size of the creature kept his allies quite far away.
The creature was eventually visibly wounded. The gang were making headway into the defeat of the colossus, but in turn were dying and horribly injured themselves. Bridges made the call that if they wanted to get out of here alive, they had to leave. Qolan was batted away so far, because apparently he turns into an ice ball when defeated or some shit I don't even know what was going on, and so instead of being murdered was sent flying off into the sky. Firion would eventually suffer the same fate of being knocked quite far away. Bridges had yet to take a single point of damage so he wasn't going anywhere right now. But that's when the alarm was signaled: Back up had arrived.
The B Team, finally back from their tea and nap adventure in a dungeon, had arrived to assist their Salad Brothers, and also Qolan. Ven, co-founder of Salad Force along with Bridges, had learned of some trouble befalling his brothers, and teleported backup to where they were needed most, and then immediately passed out. But the war horn was stifled a bit too early as two of the backing team had been literally instantly killed under the heel of this actual mountain and a couple of the other biggest hitters in the entire town, were instantly knocked unconscious as well. So fucking much for back up.
Bridges, upon seeing the arrival of the other group, decided to utilize his last Dimension Door and bamf over to Firion who was fucking almost literally dead(RIP THOUGH CUZ HE'S REALLY DEAD NOW FOR REAL AND EVER) to slow his rapid descent since Bridges was still flying thanks to Qolan. But once Firion was safely on the ground and not dead, he fucking saw the other faction get obliterated and had to rejoin the fray. Smashing and dashing with his flight and Bigby's Hand, Bridges came so very close to laying this massive creature low. But thankfully Vymphala, one of the arriving-and-then-immediately-put-into-timeout backup adventurers, was healed and then proceeded to walk up to and smite the ever loving fuck out of the titan.
It was dead. So were those other two adventurers. Bridges and his best friend Bigby had managed to wallop on a mountain and make it think twice about forgetting the name, or the name of all of his friends at Salad Force, once more.
The other dead adventurers were eventually brought back to life just too late to see the glory of Bridges Rhinestone Jr, but then there's always next time. There was no discernible loot to be had, no monetary reward laying amongst the rubble, and no hot babes, but Bridges felt like he learned quite a lot about fucking with mountains, and that sometimes punching them in the dick is always the best solution.
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