D&D West Marches 012 - Feel The Madness


Bridges Rhinestone Jr.
Bird Brain.

BOY WHAT AN ADVENTURE. Because like always portals just seem to open up in front of Bridges and suck him in for whatever reason that he should probably find an exorcist to figure out, he and several other cohorts are pulled into a plane similar to one he had already been in, except this plane was not like the one which housed the small troll-like balding man called "DeVito" and his extraplicates. Instead, it as recognized by Bridges as being close to the one from his initial dream, the one where he was "awakened" to the alter-planes and their contents, and President Blade.

This one, however, contained a giant fucking wrestling ring where a man going OOOOOH YEAH DIG IT challenged everyone, who was also there for some reason that should probably be investigated but was instead mostly summarily ignored, to a wrestling match. So sure why the fuck NOT.

Bridges, being the intelligent LORE BARD he is, knew that wrestling is a fairly complex battle of the bodies' unique dexterous ability to splash undulating muscles against each other in what, to the layman, appears to be contests of strength and battle, but is actually a highly coordinated series of intensely practiced acrobatic displays portraying that of a battle between two foes played by individuals who often have a high level of respect and admiration for one another despite the origins and happenstances of the characters portrayed by them. So naturally he Lightning Bolted Macho Man Randy Savage.

And the combat kicks off in full swing. Someone casts a huge thing of fog so no one can goddamn see what's happening, and Macho Man is not giving in. His assaults consistently hurt anyone unlucky enough to be caught by them and so the spellcasters try their best to stay back, but that doesn't last very long as Macho Man gets pissed at Willow who keeps blasting the ever loving shit out of him, so he takes the fight to her and actively beats her within an inch of her life turn after turn.

When the heat got turned up so did Macho Man, letting Gisela feel the madness with a steel chair out of nowhere which was thrown at such a force as to probably easily go into low orbit. The pain was quite severe. The impenetrable one was quite penetrated by the Macho Man on this night, and the crowd was loving it. But even more so the crowd popped for Bridges casting Polymorph on himself and becoming a Giant Ape which is never not fucking awesome.

Everyone was getting their licks in and getting quite licked themselves when all of a sudden here comes Oozaru Bridges beating the hell out of Macho Man in a series of blow-for-blow trading that brought the crowd to their feet probably if Bridges thought to pay attention instead of "fuck yeah I'm a giant ape" like he tends to do in this form. Except this time it ended early due to a failed concentration check to maintain the polymorph and all of a sudden Bridges was back to being his own allegedly-non-oozaru form. Sad day.

The fight was winding down and Macho Man was playing the part of a severely injured man because of the sport, and not because he was legitimately beaten within an inch of his life(for all they knew). Yllgrim went down not too long before the battle ended, once again due to something Bridges did, but for the greater good, and had to be helped back up into the fray. The rest were still holding their own, or at least trying to.

Macho Man would not go down without a fight, or at least a heart attack while driving at high speeds, and he gave Willow one last walloping and knocked her down. Gisela decided to do what needed to be done, and took the steel chair from the Macho Man(who gave it to her willingly) and "struck" him down, ending the fight. Everyone celebrated their victory, thinking they had won, but thankfully Bridges and Yllgrim both knew that in order to win a wrestling match you have to "pin" your opponent, which Yllgrim did in a snap judgement call and laid him low for the 1, 2, 3, sealing their victory.

Unfortunately somehow the rest of the adventure turned into an awkward mess of people ganging up and bullying Bird Brain, which, you'd think people would choose to be the better person when they could, but not these people it would seem.

After that train-wreck came to a close, the party had a bit of a meet 'n greet with the Macho Man where they were given some merch as a reward. Later they would travel to a shopping mall and purchase some oddities like what Bridges can only assume is the actual copy of Blade on Blu-Ray, which is different form his 16(or 15 now) copies of Blade with Danny DeVito in the role of every character. Willow acquired a TV, Blu-Ray Player and an assortment of 20 Blu-Rays to play in the tavern.

And after everyone else went away, diving back into the portal home, Bridges pulled out the cellphone he acquired in the Dannyplane, and dialed Vinny once more. And again, he answered, and again, he knew "Tony", whoever or whatever he is. The two of them had a brief conversation, like two old friends reconvening for the first time even though that may not be true. Bridges was satisfied that he seems to be getting closer to whatever the vision he first saw might end up being. His home? His friends? Who knows. Maybe one day Bridges may find a way to the vision he first saw. Only time will tell.

My name is Ryan. I like to play video games and Dungeons and Dragons and all kinds of other cool stuff. I also like to write. This is my website, it's nothing special, but I write about topics from time to time that probably make no sense. But if you think they do make sense, then hang around and check out some other articles. My friends call them "blogs" but goddamnit I've got a URL and everything, so they're "articles".